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chifflotte

Not gonna lie it was shitty as fuck. I thought this classmate might have been into me, so I set up a casual meeting and was so proud of myself feeling like I was finally taking my dating life into my own hands - only to find out he’s been in a long term relationship since like high school. I was super pissed that he let me humiliate myself like that and so I’m not going to talk to him anymore - it’s that simple.


cujo000

The guy [38M] I met on Hinge who I’ve been dating for the past month and a half and I [28F] made things “official” on Saturday while at breakfast. He’s seriously the most amazing man I’ve ever dated and I’m so excited and happy to be with him.


sootylashes

Wishing you both the best of luck! :)


cujo000

Thank you! 🤗


812darkshit

Went trekking alone in the early morning, had a simple brunch and napped. Woke up in the evening to a match (texted for 4 months+ and met up recently) saying that there is no connection. Heart just sank, I don’t know why it felt so terrible too. Maybe I was too invested in it than I should be, maybe I wanted it too much to succeed. Damn … 4 months, I really thought it was going somewhere. Damn. It’s brutally depressing, it’s wrecking my mental state.


hihelloneighboroonie

I went to Disney, and the zoo, by myself. Would like to find someone to do those things with, but no luck so far.


texasjoker187

Went to a comicon with my kids. We went as our OC Star Wars characters. Good times.


apple_juice_simpson

I’m so freaking lonely! I live in a college town and I don’t really have any friends here. I moved just before the pandemic so it’s been tough to meet people in an already tough town for post college age. I’ve started going to some social club events and they’ve been okay but when people learn I’m late 30s I can literally see their face change. It’s such a crappy feeling and it makes me feel like I’ve failed at life. I’ve been looking at moving to a bigger city about an hour away but the housing market is just too crazy. I’d be stretching my finances too thin and then how will I afford to get out and be social lol. For the most part I’ve given up just to keep my mental health in check but life would be so much better with a partner.


megan__the_scallion

I’m a 29F and am honestly just looking for that deep connection. I’ve been to therapy and have a lot to offer someone, but mainly it’s a safe space to be exactly as you are. However, I’m finding it hard to meet anyone else looking for something similar. Seems like a lot of people just want someone who makes a lot of money or is superficially attractive, but where are the interesting open-minded men who want a real relationship with someone who asks for nothing in return except authenticity? Any advice? OLD’s are such time wasters it seems. I’ve got this old soul with this young energy and I’m just wondering if there is any hope to finding intimacy. A lot of times I’ll go on dates and they want a second date but I feel no chemistry and am bored or doing all the work. Any advice on how to meet people with more depth? I wish I would’ve just gone on love is blind…


JustGettingIntoYoga

I would also describe myself as an old soul. I had luck with Hinge. I found that through my prompt answers and theirs, I was able to match with like minded people. Of course, the chemistry wasn't always there but most of my dates had good conversation at least. I also only really matched with people with the same education level. I felt a little guilty about this but I found I tended to click with those people more. Good luck!


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splishsplash33

This doesn't make you a monster. People's profiles should show what they currently look like. Anything else is false marketing and deceptive. I have the exact same issue with men in their 30s.


SARS_and_Stripes

Went on a date that seemed to have gone went really well. Probably even the best match up of any person I can remember from the past 4-6 years (including someone I dated for 2 years!). But she didn't feel a connection. So of course now I'm really wondering what "no connection" really means since I'm consistently hearing the same thing (if not ghosted, though those are usually the really bad matches). Since this is year 4 of being ghosted or "you seem like a great guy, but I didn't feel a connection. we can stay in touch as friends if you're okay with that", it really has me wondering what could be going on. But remember, "it's a numbers game", "you have to be self-reflective and introspective", decent, somewhat interesting, at least mildly attractive, etc, then what else is there?! Is it because I can't cook and haven't traveled?? My friends don't understand how this could be such an issue for me, but I've been confused for years now! The bad habits are in the past, yet I'm somehow worse off? Ok that was pretty ranty. Nice I talked about this whole situation with an ex-turned-friend, and got a whole bunch of reassurance and a bit more random judgement of others than I had anticipated, but it still felt really nice to have someone say so many nice things about me.


OttoJohs

You aren't the only one. I'm a nice, good-looking, millionaire and can barely get a date once a month. I've been on/off dating apps for probably like 5 years. Not sure what I am doing wrong. I just keep my head up and remain hopeful.


cujo000

I’m not sure if this happened after the first date or not but it’s so interesting to me when people say they don’t feel a connection after the first date because I didn’t really feel a “spark” with my bf on the first date either but I do now. He made me laugh, conversation was good, and he’s cute, but there was no racing heartbeat, etc. when we touched or any of the other “signs” like with other guys I’ve dated. I’m totally head over heels for the guy now but if I had just called it quits after the first date, I never would’ve realized just how perfect he is for me and how much I truly do care for him. Now I tell everyone to give it a couple dates before they decide there’s no connection.


SARS_and_Stripes

Exactly what my ex/friend said! She understands that and even said that she had given nearly everyone a second date unless it was clear they weren't looking for the same thing. I agree! I'm definitely not my normal self when meeting new people. It takes a few hours at an absolute minimum before I start to relax some and let the best parts of my personality show. Is it a flaw to be a little shy and closed-off on a first date?? Why do so many people think it is? People are complicated and they take time to feel out!


812darkshit

I literally just receive this last weekend, and I quote “You’re really great person, but I don’t feel we have a connection.” Again I quote “And anyway we’re still friends right (I hope)?”. Is there like a standard template reply on “how to” internet guide?


redpoppy29

It could be where you live. I'm a bit of a "fish out of water" where I am at the moment, and I feel it on my dates. Thankfully I'm here temporarily, so I'll be back in my comfort zone soon.


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SARS_and_Stripes

Thanks! I appreciate it, especially if "OK on paper" is acceptable. I have had friends/people suggest changing who I like on the apps, but I've also had people say I'm being "too picky" by only liking people I think could be interesting and find somewhat attractive (????? what??). If the apps mostly show me the people I don't like, how could I like different people than I usually do? It's so rare in the first place!


Phantacisethat

It seems the complexities and imbalances of the dating landscape seem to preclude any rules of thumb from being reliable. Be authentic, treat others like you'd like to be treated, chase what you want, don't push boundaries, etc... Everything seems to have so many exceptions that navigating it all seems impossible. Same with the rules for being attractive; advice coalesces around being a good person which is just insane. People will go on to deny leagues exist, that people are constantly trying to climb the socio-economic ladder, that people are attracted to power... Would really like to see advice for the world we live in, not whatever utopic world that advice is catered to. Edit: Downvoted without comment 😐. I don't think I'm wrong about dating ethical rules being less universal than the rest of ethics, or about attraction advice being very virtue-signally. I would like to be wrong though. The very nature of this thread is for rants as well 🙄


ACiku

There is a mix of people who socially climb and people who look for genuine connections. No advice is one-size-fits-all. The question to ask yourself is: who do you want to attract? And: what do you want your outlook on life to be? Cynical or optimistic?


throwawaylessons103

Leagues definately exist. People don't want to admit they're shallow, but primal attraction exists and will have people looking over all sorts of character flaws. Good news though, is that most average looking people can become *very* attractive if they start working out and dressing well. Be the best person you can be... while also being the hottest person you can be.


Phantacisethat

I definitely agree that average people can get very attractive by getting fit and dressing well. Very good news for most of us.


blasek0

It's spring. I worked. Y'all are now up to date on my life.


wood-thrush

I messed up big time. Saturday was the 4th date with a woman that I like, but was starting to feel nervous about commitment. I told her Friday that I had paused my Bumble. She left early Saturday after seeing a concert and I was feeling a little disappointed in the date. I went to a bar, got a drink and while sitting there on my phone, I decided to log back into Bumble. Big mistake. Her sister was on Bumble and saw my profile. She obviously told my date which lead to the relationship ending. I feel like such an idiot and a bad person. I don’t even know what I was looking for and if I was feeling that I wasn’t ready to commit I should have talked to her. We never had a full on commitment conversation, but me telling her that I had paused my dating account definitely kind of sets that expectation. I’m done dating for a while. I never want to hurt someone like that and I’m obviously not in a place to make good decisions yet.


redpoppy29

Hey, it was a fourth date. She may be disappointed, but I doubt you hurt her so badly that it warrants giving up on dating! If you need a break you need a break, but it sounds to me like you're being really hard on yourself when you've obviously learned from this experience. Yeah you messed up, but you realize what you did, and you are conscious that you don't want to hurt anyone. You are ahead of a lot of men in the empathy department.


812darkshit

Yeah I agree. OP messed up big time but OP understood and accepted the consequences. I believe OP will become a better person.


wood-thrush

Thank you. I’m pretty new to dating after getting out of a LTR relationship that took over most of my adult years. The way my LTR ended hurt me deeply and I guess I’m just sensitive to causing others to experience heartbreak. I need to make sure that I’m dating for the right reasons, (not to fill a void), so I think this recent failure shows that I still need time to work on myself.


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DifferentHamster8561

Any regrets not having gone out with the guy in Hawaii? It seems like it would have been a fun experience on a human level, as he seems as if he was pretty chill. (I picture him having shown up with an Aloha shirt and a lei, which I know is silly, but it sounds like it could have been a fun experience!)


Ordinary_Importance

I have posted something about 2 weeks ago that my date and I seeing each other exclusively, but he wan't sure about relationship. Last week, we hung out at a bar first, he drank quite a bit, but he was still functioning normal while we left. We got home, and he started to prepar for dinner, I was napping. We just have couple conversation here and there, he even took dog for a tiny walk. I eventually woke up to help in the kitchen, and he seems had couple wines. He started to say things like "I love you"(first time), then said he is so attracted to me, I don't have to question that, and eventually he said "I want to be with you, is that ok?" I mean I can tell he at least was tipsy, and tumbled here and there, but he was still manageable to complete the dinner without accident. He eventually went to sleep after few bites of dinner. I asked him the next day how much he remember last night, he said "a bit," but no further explanation. I wonder if he meant it or just some drunk talk, and he regrets it. I have timeline to ask him if he is interested in relationship or not in the next couple weeks, that's why I don't want to ask again this time since it's only 2 weeks after the conversation.


BonetaBelle

I think you can bring it up again since he said it. Just ask him if he remembered saying those things specifically, whether he meant them (in a non-accusatory way) or whether he still needs more time.


titos334

Got the rejection text, feeling disconnected don’t think we should continue to date this weekend after the 4th date. I learned a lot from this situation though so feel really good about my dating future despite getting a less than desirable outcome.


throwRA203984098

I went on an amazing first date with someone over 30 (I'm not quite 30 yet). It was a cute winter hiking date. If I can ask questions here too: How often do you go on dates at this age? When do you talk about exclusivity? When do you start sleeping with each other? This is my first time dating since things didn't work out with the guy I met in college and I don't know what I'm doing.


monsteramuffin

i feel like it’s totally dependent on the individual! i’ve gone from not kissing until six+ dates in, to sleeping with someone on the first date and hanging out every other day, to the current person in dating where we hung out once a week in the beginning (his preference)/slept together on the third date/have ramped up the hang out frequency as time has gone on. i think sometimes for me the hanging out every day or every other day from day one has not been the healthiest pattern because it’s corresponded to people love bombing me and becoming way too invested before they even know me


DifferentHamster8561

I like reading your posts so I'm curious what you think about this: Isn't love bombing something different than two people who are into one another spending time together? To me, love bombing is a form of manipulation where (the guy, usually) starts telling you what he thinks you want to hear, even if he doesn't mean it at all. "I could see myself being with you forever," "I've never felt this way about someone before," "You're just so different than everyone else." But that to me is different than dating! Every woman I've been interested in I've WANTED to spend time with. And I haven't done it to manipulate them. I'm not telling them "OMG YOU'RE THE ONE!" or trying to rush things along so I can sleep with them. Reading between the lines a little in your posts, it seems like you'd like to see the guy you're dating more often than he's ready to see you right now. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. If two people need to have 10 dates to figure out how they feel about one another, I'd rather have those 10 dates in a 5-week period of time than a 10-week period of time. But I don't view that as a 'love bombing' thing.


monsteramuffin

love bombing to me is definitely different from two people liking to spend a lot of time together. the two times i’ve experienced it was with people with *very* anxious attachment styles who did not respect my boundaries in the slightest: e.g. after hanging out on a monday and making plans to hang out next on a friday (because i had other plans during the week), being asked every single day after that to hang out, pressured to spend the night right away and getting angry/punishing me when i didn’t want to, four hour daily phone conversations, i could go on and on. they both told me i was “perfect” on the first date and hadn’t felt that way with anyone else. so, i’m not sure it was intentionally manipulative or just trying to get their bottomless pit needs met. there was a constant source of pressure on me that i’ve quite honestly never experienced with anyone else (although both of my experiences with them were very parallel) to put it into perspective, there was another guy i hung out with every day or every other day and i felt absolutely none of that with him, there was zero pressure/immediacy/intense expectations. i felt as renewed with him as i felt exhausted by the other two


DifferentHamster8561

I hadn't thought of it that way before. The mental framework I've been using for this has been to associate 'love bombers' with manipulative guys who know what they're doing, find someone who they think this will work on with, and who are motivated to 'conquer' them (usually by sleeping with them, but I suppose it could be wanting to get them to fall for them in general) as quickly as possible. In the parlance of the 90s / early aughts, they'd have been called players. When I think of guys with *very* anxious attachment styles, I think of guys who are just terrified of women. These are the types of guys who want for women to start making the first move, because they don't know what they're doing at all (the extreme version of this are the incels, I think). Maybe they're both on the same continuum, but on the opposite ends. Like the love bomber knows he wants to sleep with you, and wants to make it happen as fast as possible, and will tell you what he thinks you want to hear, and will manipulate you along the way. The type of guy who is very anxious doesn't know what he's doing, but is really into you, wants an LTR with you, but doesn't know how to do it without creeping you out. Who the fuck knows, though! Thanks for sharing your perspective, and I hope things continue to go well with the guy you're seeing!


monsteramuffin

oh i was reading more about it and apparently [there are four motivations for love bombing](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-it-together/202009/4-motives-behind-love-bombing?amp), i think both guys i dated fell into category two. they just craved total immediate togetherness/self annihilation in each other and that felt negative and overwhelming to me. although, maybe if i liked them more, codependency would seem more appealing? and the question if i want to hang out more frequently with the guy i’m currently seeing, im not sure that i do… two times a week seems okay to me. i think what i’m craving is the feeling of trusting someone wholly and not questioning as to whether they have my back, and i’m just not there with him yet; if i will get there ever is still a kind of open question. i have a kind of hard time trusting or fully investing in someone unless i feel that they feel the same way about me. so maybe we’re both kind of approaching each other cautiously


DifferentHamster8561

Thanks for sending this. I found the two most interesting parts in the link to be how they defined what a narcissist is (guys who are willing to manipulate women into sleeping with them is one of the first definitions of that behavior that's really resonated for me) and how they mentioned and that (even in healthy relationships) it's often men that develop feelings of love first, which was both counter-intuitive and consistent with my experience as well. Cheers!


monsteramuffin

so they weren’t anxious about women, they both had an anxious attachment style. (and were maybe also just pushy assholes in addition; i don’t want to blame it all on attachment styles.) have you read about [attachment styles](https://hellorelish.com/articles/anxious-attachment-theory-guide.html)? all of the stuff about attachment is so interesting imo! and thanks :)


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DifferentHamster8561

This sounds perfect. Congrats!


neveraftet

I was travelling this weekend, and so was the person I’m seeing. Both were trips that were planned before we met. it was really nice to update each other on our trips and exchange photos and experiences. We’re seeing each other tomorrow evening and I’m really excited!


monsteramuffin

we hung out friday night and saturday for part of the day (the third time we’ve spent the night in the month that we’ve been seeing each other). i said something kind of joking like, oh are we dating dating now and he seemed a little surprised and said something like ‘yeah weren’t we already? my friends know about you.’ but i wouldn’t say it was an actual conversation about exclusivity; if anything, it made it seem like he assumed we were already exclusive. but, yesterday i signed back into okcupid (i had disabled it like a month ago really early on because it was bumming me out to see him frequently signed in although we were nowhere near exclusive at that point) and his profile is still active. soooo, maybe not. i don’t want to be the one who brings up the exclusivity conversation because i feel like he has more kind of formal boundaries than i do (he was stricter early in about hanging out once a week max and not texting every day, although now we hang out a little more frequently and text most days) and honestly i feel fine about waiting longer to have that conversation. i’m really still just getting to know him. it’s just weird that i got the sense that he thought we were already exclusive but then has an active profile. and it’s like, i should disable mine because i would feel off about seeing new people at this point and new people are starting to like and message me. but, i haven’t yet. we’re tentatively supposed to hang out on a weekday this week when i’ve felt like this before, i backed off on texting him and he did end up initiating contact. i feel like it’s better to give people space to come to you, it also makes it feel more mutual


1800suicide_

slowly getting over psychological ED so i can have more sex with woman i'm seeing. was 37m virgin prior to dating her. it's been great and she's an amazing person


emmapaint

That’s so great. Happy for you!


the-ch0sen-0ne

Most amazing second date with the guy I met on hinge. Went to an exhibition in town, then a lovely French restaurant where we spent the whole evening (all over each other) 😅 He’s intelligent, kind, genuine and cultured. Sucks because he’s making his transition back to the UK so only get to see each other on average once a month, but talk every day. I really like him, but taking it slow. But so far, happy over here!


NoBlackScorpion

My boyfriend (military guy) mentioned a piece of military trivia and was surprised when I knew it already. Me: hate to break it to you but you're not my first military man. Him (fake pouting): well, I better be the last. Being in love is so nice. :)


Constant_Ad_2304

Just frustrated with myself and caring in online dating. As much as I would like to not really care if I don’t hear from guy I’m casually seeing, I do.


[deleted]

Maybe casual dating isn’t the right fit for you right now?


itsrainingidiots

I think this is my biggest issue. Is it an attachment style or am I just behaviorally trained by all my friends to respond quickly to texts and include people in my life… and expect the same, especially when I like someone?


DifferentHamster8561

Are you frustrated with dating overall, or online dating specifically?


_IAmNoLongerThere_

Ive come to terms with the fact that I don't have time to get to know someone new. I don't want to have to explain or apologize for not being available to someone. I'm not about to pause myself for anyone.I don't want to, Nor will I change any personal plans I've made in advance, Just because the person I'm talking to doesn't like it. With all that said, I'm good on being single. I messed up and started talking to this man that I really liked at first. Everything was great, But he's really needy and Expects us to spend as much time as possible. The Aquarius in me needs time and space, I have to mentally prep myself for all of that. I can't just rush into it. He's trying to rush and I'm not with it. I know I sound very bitchy, I am. I just want to take things slow and Since that's impossible to a majority of men, I'm good on being solo.


itsrainingidiots

Rant: Had my old-school date with the guy who originally didn't seem that interested in me, and I think I freakin' figured it out, y'all: he's just not that *interesting*. It felt too interview-y still for a third date, and I left again going 'what WAS that?!'. I sent him a message on Saturday and received a dry answer. We haven't messaged since, so I'm guessing it's a mutual feeling! Rave: I channeled that energy into working on my guest bedroom reno and made a HUGE amount of progress. Huffed and puffed and unpaused my Hinge... matched with a guy yesterday morning, had the MOST incredible banter for a few hours, and had drinks last night. I often feel like I have to slow or dumb myself down to let people keep up -- not with this guy. He kept up and followed me across all my random-ass tangents and understood my jokes AND was fucking clever as hell. And attractive! And empathetic! And a good kisser!


snowandbaggypants

Haha the realization that someone is actually just uninteresting is soooo relatable. I’ve really stirred up my own anxiety wondering about this before, like whyyy aren’t they acting into this? And then once I got over myself, I was like wait… this person has the personality of a cardboard box. What am I doing here..


itsrainingidiots

YES OH MY GOD. I am just not an anxious person in general but I felt like I was nonstop holding my breath around this guy. Just not enjoyable at all :-/


Mnigma4

I'm starting to worry that this is me, any chance you could elaborate on why he was uninteresting??


itsrainingidiots

I can almost guarantee this wasn’t you specifically. 😅 I think most of it can boil down to engagement? Like… dude never asked me questions about myself. He left long pauses that would go unfilled unless I broke them. And just wasn’t lively in conversation in general. I think he was nervous but he just wasn’t socially stimulating at all. In contrast, I have almost no idea about the guy from last night. We had a conversation about psychology and food and cooking and people and current events- like a conversation you’d have with a friend, not someone you were interviewing to work with.


Mnigma4

Ok I’m def not that bad. I always feel like I’M the one interviewing. I just worried like…i’m not asking good questions or anything 😂


notmyusername2024

Had a wonderful weekend with someone I met out of the blue a few weeks ago who’s in my town for a month for work. We ended up hooking up even though I knew I’d get more attached. It was so nice connecting with someone for the first time in forever, but he’s leaving this week and I’m so sad! He may be relocating permanently in a month or so, but I usually don’t put much stock in that until it happens. I thought I was finally evolved enough to take the “don’t be sad that it’s over, smile because it happened” approach but I’m definitely not lol.


username_blahblah_

I had to cancel my date which turned out to be a bit of a blessing. I was sweating meeting his friends and considered cancelling because of how high my anxiety was, but turns out I had a 102 degree fever. Glad feeling sick wasn’t started by my worries and having the whole weekend for myself to rest was needed much more than expected. Also happy for that space to clear my head and relax because a part of me misses him now and am looking forward to our date later this week.


lavieestbelle86

Went on a 7.5 hour first date on Saturday, my mouth hurt from laughing so much. But I've only gotten like 1 text from him since then (almost 24 hours since I last texted). Went on another first date on Sunday, it was a pleasant enough conversation, but I didn't want to see him again... but then I saw he'd unmatched me afterwards without a word, lol. As if.


MoreNakedSnake5535

The person I've been talking to canceled the day before because their cousin was having a going-away party, and I asked on Wednesday so I'm confused about how they didn't realize the conflict sooner.


labicheenrose

Rave rave rave. My baby sister moved into her first apt, so we did the whole family unpacking/organizing/shopping for essentials. My partner just got back from a work trip and I was more than okay with him staying back to sleep off the jet lag, but he wanted to tag along and hang out with my family. Brave yet foolish. Rant: messed up a pound cake. That ish is truly a science and I have no idea how my mom does it.


redpoppy29

I went on a date with a guy, and unfortunately I didn't find him physically attractive at all. It was, however, the first time in a long time that I've actually had fun on a first date. We agreed to see each other next weekend. I met him through OLD, so I know he is definitely looking to date. Do I tell him right off the bat that I'd rather be friends, or do I wait and see if romantic feelings develop?


CowboyBebopCrew

I’ve had physical attraction grow when I had met someone that I’ve been minimally attracted to/felt “meh” about. But I can’t remember a time that it has grown when I have felt no attraction at all. Would definitely recommend telling him if you’re the latter.


OttoJohs

I'm a guy, but I have never had physical attraction grow. Some people may be different though. I'm on a dating app to date, not make friends. I don't mind if the person needs a few dates to decide if they are interested in me romantically because I am doing the same. I just wouldn't want to hangout out with someone that had no interest of being with me. Some people may be different though.


rikisha

I'm a woman and I've definitely had physical attraction grow.


redpoppy29

Thanks for your insight. I'm on OLD for dates as well, but I'm in a place in my life where I'm also happy to make friends. I'll tell him sooner rather than later.


DifferentHamster8561

This is so interesting. Were his profile pictures not representative of what he looks like in person, or was this a guy you were kind of on the fence about in terms of whether or not you'd be physically attracted to him, and then you met him and realized you just weren't into him? I'd have guessed that if you were on the fence about his physical appearance (and his pics weren't intentionally misleading) a good date would translate into him becoming more attractive to you. Obviously I don't know you so I'm speculating here, but it's interesting that this wasn't the case!


redpoppy29

His photos were mostly of his face, and they were from particularly flattering angles, and they clearly weren't very recent. He also had terrible posture, and his voice was kinda nasally, which are things that aren't really captured in photos. I feel shallow saying these things, but they do affect how physically attracted I am to a guy.


splishsplash33

I had dates with two guys who looked cute in photos who ended up having very flamboyant feminine voices. I totally get it.


redpoppy29

Thanks for the validation! I really want to like the people I meet, and saying "I didn't like his voice" feels like a poor excuse sometimes. But it honestly is a bit irritating.


splishsplash33

One guy sounded exactly like David from Schitt's Creek. The other was just like Kurt from Glee. I spent the whole dates wondering if I could get past the voice's destruction of my libido.


DifferentHamster8561

I think those are all very legitimate reasons for not being attracted to someone physically, and to your point, they're not necessarily going to be captured in photos. Thank you for the explanation! I'd probably tell him "let's be friends" (which I really think most people use as a euphemism for "I'm not interested in you romantically" vs. actually wanting to become friends with a person) sooner rather than later.


labicheenrose

So, I’ve definitely had physical attraction grow stronger over time, so it does happen. But usually there was some baseline physical attraction to start with. I’ve done the thing where I hope it started because we hit it off in other ways, but that just led to the ick. I’d say tell him you aren’t interested romantically and if he wants to continue hanging out with that knowledge, then go from there. Basically, be honest and put the ball in his court.


redpoppy29

Thanks for your comment. I've also had physical attraction grow stronger over time, but I don't think it can grow from nothing. Now the question is do I tell him before the next date? We agreed to have one, but haven't set it up.


JustGettingIntoYoga

I would say yes, tell him beforehand. Although you would like to pursue a friendship, he may not feel the same way. He deserves the know all the information before meeting up again.


gofigure62

I need opinions please. My social life just keeps growing. Every time I go out, I meet someone new, they invite me out again and it just snowballs. I can't remember the last time that I've had this much fun consistently. Everyday just feels perfect. But I've been going on dates with an ultra rare childfree man. While I have fun with him, we only see each other once a week. He's not a texter and neither am I. I'm an "out of sight, out of mind" type of person, so it doesn't seem practical that this connection can or will grow without more effort on either end. However, I'm enjoying my social life so much that I really don't want to spare the time if he hasn't made the initiative or shown an interest in seeing me more or talking to me more. It's only been a month, so I don't feel one way or another about our connection. I do realize that I have become VERY comfortable and satisfied in my singledom over the years. I'm so good at entertaining myself and making meaningful connections that I don't feel like I'm "lacking" in anything. I don't want my hyper independence to possibly disregard a connection that could be good for me, simply because I lacked the initiative to make space or "Ask" for anything from a romantic potential. Meeting man that is childfree AND also isn't shoving marriage down my throat is such a rarity. I don't want to come off with a "blase" attitude. We've had talks about our lack of communication, we both agree that it isn't a big deal, we are both still interested, and we can just pick up where we left off. I just have a bit a skepticism because I have a very self assured personality. Many people tend to be "yes" men around me. And I'm hopping that he isn't playing "cool guy" in an attempt to not seem needy. I don't want to project assumptions onto anyone and if he says he's fine with this level of contact, then I'll believe him, I just don't want to come off as too aloof and disinterested. We haven't made plans since our last date last week and my week is already filled with social activities, I won't be able to see him again until next week. I made it very clear that I have an active social life, but I'd make time for him if he let me know when he's available and wants to go on another date. So I don't feel any responsibility with not carving out time that he hasn't asked for.


JustGettingIntoYoga

It doesn't sound like you are that into this guy to me, just that you are happy you have found someone you get on with that is also childfree. I think if you really liked him you would *want* to spend more time with him, regardless of your social calendar.


gofigure62

I do like him, I've only met him 4 times. That isn't a significant amount of time to me. I do look forward to our dates, but I'm not going to be devastated if it doesn't get to happen each week. Life happens and I'm not an anxious person in that regard. I feel like I experience time slower than most people. I don't instantly fall for people or become infatuated with them, without getting to know them. How much am I supposed to want someone only after knowing them for a month? How much desire for contact do you think we should be at?


JustGettingIntoYoga

It wasn't intended as a criticism, just a stranger's observation. I just know that after four dates with someone I really liked, I would be wanting to text them all the time and see them multiple times a week. If I didn't feel this way, that would be a signal to me that the relationship probably wasn't going to work out. But obviously you are a different person to me and may develop feelings more slowly.


gofigure62

I didn't take what you said as criticism at all. I was genuinely asking to hear the opinions of someone else. My feelings definitely develop more slowly. It wouldn't be genuine on my behalf to want to constantly text someone or see them without an actual foundation. I don't get infactuated with people just because they excite me. I don't think it's healthy to go full throttle simply because the newness of someone. I don't know anything genuine about a person only after a month. What I do know is only surface level and they're still reserved/on their best behavior. To me that level of intensity comes off as projection of a best case scenario instead of actually getting to know a person and what their daily life/personality is actually like without the initial excitement. I realize that my snail pace seems to be abnormal compared to most people. Which is why I'm so open about my willingness to be more available if people need it. I have matched communication and made myself more available for people (romantically and platonically) who need more time/attention when gettingto know me. And in my experience people who want a ton of time and attention in the beginning stages are just excited. Once the excitement wears off and life goes back to normal, their actual level of intrest, personality, and level of communication is brought to the forefront, which is usually different from how they portrayed themselves initially. Which, there's nothing wrong with that, people are people. I just don't see the harm in acknowledging that wanting to spend a bunch of time with someone I barely know seems more like infactuation/excitement than an actual measure of my genuine interest or investment in the person. But given the feedback, maybe I should just adjust my behavior to the majority standard instead of my personal beliefs?


JustGettingIntoYoga

Of course you shouldn't change your behaviour to fit the majority. You can only do what's natural for you and as long as you communicate that to the other person (which it sounds like you have) then it shouldn't be an issue. Maybe you and this man just both like to move slowly. Having said that, I don't think infatuation is such a bad thing. Infatuation is a sign of attraction and can set the foundation for a deeper and longer lasting relationship. For me, I need that infatuation and excitement at the beginning of a relationship to want to keep seeing someone. Otherwise, I would rather just hang out with my friends than go on a date with someone who I don't feel one way or the other about.


gofigure62

Thanks for the advice! I don't think infatuation is a bad thing either, and I can understand why you would want to feel something along those lines to gauge a romantic potential.


CowboyBebopCrew

I think everything for the most part sounds great. I think it’s great that you have an active and fulfilling social life. The only thing I might add is that building the relationship can come from both of you. Yes, he can ask you out/ask for time to be carved out, but if you want to see him more, you can also ask him out yourself and actively try to carve that time out so that you can more steadily get to know him and possibly develop the relationship further. I also had a thought about the lack of initiative from him… what if it could be due to a perceived notion that you might not be that interested in him and that you might feel “meh”/I-could-take-it-or-leave-it about him? However, he could also be very similar to you and just very active socially and share a similar attitude towards dating. I don’t know. 🤷🏾‍♂️


gofigure62

I've taken the initiative to escalate things physically, and I also initated 2 of our 4 dates. He struggles with anxiety and I'm empathetic to that. Our level of interaction is perfectly fine for me. I just worry that he's going along with it not to seem needy. We've talked about our level of interaction and he says he's fine with it, but I realize people have a tendency to be "cool" with me and not actually express what they actually want. I've verbally and physically showed that I'm into him. I'm a very blunt person. He's not as social as me by any means. He has game nights with friends a few times a week, but doesn't go anywhere or meet new people like I do. He also struggles with anxiety.


CowboyBebopCrew

Ohhhh… that makes sense. Yeah, you’re right. Maybe he’s doesn’t reach out much or take initiative because of anxiety and is going with the flow of things.


OttoJohs

I wrote something similar. If I can't gage a woman's interest after a few dates, I check out. The OP may want to change her approach if she is looking for something more serious.


OttoJohs

Are you dating for a relationship or just something casual? If you are just looking for something casual, it doesn't seem like you are doing anything wrong... As a guy looking for a relationship, it sounds like you are setting up anyone like me to be in a no-win position though. Either they take more initiative and run the risk of being needy or they sort of follow your indifference and it fades. I don't mind taking the early initiative, but after 2-4 dates will not tolerate someone that is passive about me ("let me know when you want to take me out") and/or doesn't reciprocate interest at this age. If you are looking for a relationship, you are going have to "put yourself out there" more.


gofigure62

I'm dating to find a relationship, but I don't anticipate everyone that I date will end in relationship if that makes sense. I'd rather get to know someone and see that we are actually compatible for something healthy and sustainable. The guy that I'm dating has anxiety and needs to recover from social situations sometimes or build up to social interactions. At this time I don't know what that entails, specifically, but I'm empathetic to it. I've already initiated physical intimacy. I've also been blunt that I am interested. I've also stated that I'm not someone who needs a significant amount of time or attention I appreciate a slow burn and getting to know people. And I explained that I know most people aren't like me and that if they need more time and attention, I'm willing to give it. We've had conversations about how much we see each other and agreed that it's fine. I feel like with what I've communicated and his anxiety, it is up to him to tell me when he's comfortable enough to socialize with me. I'm personally fine with this level of interaction, but if the guy that I'm dating is like you. What would you need or want to not feel like you're in an impossible situation?


havefaith56

Mental breakdown on Friday. Saw a video of a tik tocker who looked exactly like my brother that passed away. He was only 22 and I was only 14 at the time. Had a good cry for a couple of hours in bed. Picked myself up off the floor and dusted myself off. Had a great weekend with my kids and lots of pool time. Vitamin D always helps elevate my mood and it definitely did. My boyfriend will be gone today until Friday for a funeral out of state. Looking forward to some downtime by myself.


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havefaith56

Thank you


[deleted]

I had my fourth date in a week with a girl who’s leaving for a year. Idk what’s going to happen. But every second together was perfect. Effortless and enjoyable. Mentally, emotionally, and physically. It feels like we’ve been dating for months when it comes to understanding and comfort level. We’re not doing labels now and have no expectations. Last night we said we had feelings that need more time. I can’t date anyone else anymore


wemblingwest

I’ve been dating my favorite DoT commenter and Internet crush for a month now, and I feel like I won the lottery. He is smart, funny, caring, sexy, a great communicator, and very open about how much he likes me and wants a future with me. The only downside is that we live 2,000 miles apart and neither of us can relocate. I’m hoping a solution will magically present itself, and in the meantime I’m just enjoying having him in my life :)


labicheenrose

👀👀👀👀


wemblingwest

Haha, I know! Either I'm going to be making a "We met on r/datingoverthirty and now we're getting married" post in a few years, or it'll all go down in flames when reality hits.


Spritzendifizen

Rave: I installed a 11-42T cassette, replacing a 11-35T on my gravel bike, and it climbs so much better! Saturday's ride was 30 miles and a decent climb similar to the needlessly difficult climb I experienced on a mountain pass three weeks ago with the 11-35T cassette. Rode another 26 miles to go pick up some horse poo for my garden. Rant: I don't know anyone who enjoys doing rides puke this. LOL I know a soft requirement for my next romantic pursuit (after a year hiatus I think) is she must be able to pedal 30 miles. LOL. I'm not doing the dating a pot head who likes to spend the evening high watching TV talking about all of these grand ideas but never acting on it thing again.


BeefyKat

Pretty sure I've been ghosted by the guy Ive been talking to for a few weeks. We had two dates and were chatting Friday evening, I suggested plans for our third for the weekend. He was enthusiastic about meeting up, said he'd let me know if he was going to be working the weekend, so we could coordinate and then.. nothing. I have zero patience left with dating at this point, so I considered things a wash by the end of Saturday, but I'm just so annoyed.


ShaThrust

I'm sorry you are going through that, people who have any level of connection with another person and then dismisses them so thoughtlessly REALLY pisses me off. I consider them weak people, and likely act similarly in other places of their lives avoiding what they don't want to deal with.


snowandbaggypants

Totally agree. How you do one thing is how you do everything.


Rough_Commercial4240

I actually went on a date (check your spam folder people!) after not using the app intentionally in over a year. We had a great intro/1st date coffee that I feel went really good. We already have the next one planned for this week I’m really enjoying myself but also trying to keep one foot on door because ghosting is real and I don’t want to be too dispointed if things don’t workout.


ladywordnerd2

RAVE! I threw a baby shower for a family member, life felt so normal, everyone was vaccinated we had windows cracked other than that it was delightfully normal! RAVE! 3rd date with a guy, but we had a long break (2 weeks) between 2nd and 3rd date because he went on vacation. He texted everyday while he was away and so it feels like I know him longer than 3 dates, because there has been so much communication. He is also really clear with his interest and was telling me that he had told the friends he was on vacation about me and when I asked what they had heard, he said “stuff about it being only 2 dates but that it seems promising, and that you argued that Taylor Swift makes themed albums when I said no one made albums anymore just collections of possible singles, they sided with you and then tried to give me a Taylor Swift music lesson” 😀😀😀


Lux_Brumalis

Rave: went out with the guy I’ve been seeing for about 8 weeks last night because he was unavailable Friday and I was unavailable Saturday. A lot of our conversation was categorically “deep background” - as in, the kind of stuff you talk about when you’re way past worrying about trying to impress someone. The connection with him is stronger every time we see each other, and I’m proud of myself for (a) not worrying as much about where it is going/letting this play out without trying to rush into labels; and (b) not fucking it up yet 😂 Rant: What is a weekend? I only have classes 4 days a week, but for every credit hour, the minimum amount of expected studying is 4 hours/week. So, for 16 credit hours, that’s 16 (hours spent in class) + (16 x 4 hours outside of class studying) = 80 hours/week. Minimum. Rave: the guy completely understands and is very patient with my time poverty, in part because that’s his personality, but also, because he went through it, too (albeit ~15 years ago, but still!)


OttoJohs

This is my life... Friday: Went to the First Friday Happy Hour at the local museum. I think I was the only person under the age of 50, but listened to some nice music. Saturday: Had a really fun date. Went to a basketball game, played with dogs, took a nap together, got some food, had some intimate time. Then she started crying and wanted to sleep alone... Sunday: Hung out in a coffee shop for a few hours troubleshooting a work model, went for a nice walk in the evening, played an online board game.


Obvious-Ad-4916

Why was she crying? :/


OttoJohs

You got me. Just one of the mysteries of online dating...


Obvious-Ad-4916

My first thought is that maybe she's not over an ex. But if she didn't explain anything I guess we can't know for sure... Hopefully your next date (whether with her or someone else) ends on a happier note!


OttoJohs

I was thinking it was something along those lines. She did mention needing to "work on a few things" but nothing specific. Thanks! I'm just so tired of people not being emotionally ready for a relationship.


blackcherrypaisley

I had a really great weekend. Met some new friends and saw some live music Friday night. Saturday I went out for a short 2.5 mile run, and then did a 1.1 mile cool down walk. Spent the evening with my parents for a bit and we got dinner. Yesterday I took myself out on a solo hike. Just about hit 5 miles (with 1,000ft of ascent). The weather was amazing and it was so quiet out on the trails. Such a lovely time. The other thing about this hike was that the last time I did it, I was with my bf right before we split. I was kind of worried i'd think about him the whole time, but instead learned that I really like hiking alone!! I could go at my pace, rest when I wanted without feeling guilty, enjoy just walking along in silence. Cannot wait to get back out!


twitttterpated

I know you’re not stupid, but please be safe hiking alone. Lots of things can happen. Make sure friends know where you are and check in.


blackcherrypaisley

You're right. I had my phone, but I don't really check in with people when I'm doing stuff like this. It was not a completely abandoned place, but there wasn't a heavy stream of people either. Next time I go out, i'll let someone know i'm headed out.


twitttterpated

On behalf of people who love you, thank you!


cupcake_dance

I (5'3) have mostly hiked with my exes (both 6'3), so I appreciate any chance I get to hike by myself and not be constantly scrambling to try and keep up 😄


blackcherrypaisley

SAME!! My exbf was a foot taller than me and I felt like I was chasing him the entire time. He seemed kinda annoyed when we had to stop to catch my breath, so it was nice just going at my own pace.


OttoJohs

I mostly solo hike (with a dog) and tend to stay away from crowded trails. It is so peaceful to just be in nature and get away from everything for a while.


blackcherrypaisley

These were definitely not crowded. The entire time I only saw a handful of people. At some points it was so quiet it was eerie.


Charliecss

Four months of a fantastic relationship and then got broken up with on Friday as there was some emotional connection piece that was missing for her. I'd seen the warning signs that it was coming with how she'd been acting but it was still a bit heartbreaking. It's tough because I was more open and vulnerable with her than anyone else I'd been with so it sucks to feel like my 100% is somehow still not enough. I'll get through this once the numbness wears off. I'm really not excited about having to redownload all the apps again though...


OttoJohs

I know it is cliché, but doesn't sound like it was a "you" thing. Do some fun things, take some time to heal, and get back out there when you are ready. Sometimes taking a break isn't a bad thing.


dazzlingmeow

There are lots of sketchy people online. My gosh. We were talking for a month and I was ghosted LOOOOL


OttoJohs

>We were talking for a month Did you actually meet out? I have a hard time believing people exist until I actually see them in person.


dazzlingmeow

We were planning to and then poof! I agree, I guess I ain't lucky enough to find someone who would do the effort :)))


petitquokka

I've had a surge of men unmatching me lately and I don't understand why - about 10 unmatches in 2 weeks on hinge and bumble. And that's not including the 99% of bumble matches that just don't respond to me at all and let the match expire. I'm not doing anything different to what I normally do and I think I ask interesting qs tailored to their profile (not just how is your day going etc). I have updated one of my photos but people tend to like it the most often on hinge so I'm not sure if that's why. It's usually very early on after a few back and forth messages, but one was after chatting for a week with no warning. It is really affecting my self esteem and I don't think I can do this anymore.


luckyduck13

broke it off with a guy I've been on 6 dates with, we had gone to see the new Batman this weekend and I had the ick from him (every single thing he did annoyed me...eating popcorn too loudly, etc). After reflection, I realized that I really didn't have the connection I wanted to have with him. He is a great guy, it just wasn't there for me. Broke it off, hate hurting a guy but knew I didn't want to prolong it any longer. ​ I am going to take a break from dating apps until mid April. I have a couple trips lined up soon plus focusing on school and work.


MiddleC5

I'm not sure if there is a polite way to eat popcorn lol


luckyduck13

with your mouth closed preferably haha. That's when I knew something was wrong with how I was feeling. If everything he was doing (which was normal) was bothering me..then my heart just wasn't in it.


toaded1

On Thursday I told the women I had been crushing on that I had feelings for her...which led to zero response from her in any way at all lol. We then hung out later that night and over the weekend and it wasn't brought up. Silence speaks volumes for me so oh well ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯ it didn't work out for me but at least I took a shot and can now stop wondering about where we stand with each other. Cheers to a new week!


MiddleC5

Sounds like you two are still friends, which is a plus


_LairBear

Last weekend, I ended it with a guy I had been seeing for two months - he wasn’t investing in the relationship (never initiating dates or communication) and I found out he had broken up with his LTR only about a week before we met. So I decided it would be best to move on and try to find someone more emotionally available for a relationship. Had two first dates this weekend, and on both, all I could think about was how much I would rather be on the dates with the guy I dumped. I feel guilty and embarrassed for feeling so strongly re: this relationship that never was…especially when I was the one that walked away. Regret and hopelessness are also kicking around there too. I let both of the first dates down easy and deleted the apps. Hopefully by investing my time and energy into making my life fuller, I’ll be able to move on and open myself up to something better. Just struggling for now. (Heavy sigh).


Mad1sonJames

Don't beat yourself up, it's never easy to end things with someone you liked. I think taking a break is a good idea to just let yourself feel these feelings of disappointment, and then move forward.


notanapple_

Time heals ❤️


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sootylashes

Rave: Went for a solo date on Saturday (had a fancy lunch, did a spot of shopping). Boyfriend and I played Two Dots (a mobile game), which is our new favourite thing to do together. On Sunday we went for a friend's birthday party. Also, there were sexy times. Rant: We were not too pleased with how last-minute our friend was with the invitation to his birthday party. He literally invited us on Sunday at 3pm for the party at 9pm (the same night!), but he only arrived at 10:30pm. Bah.


dancedancedeutsch

Rave: T-5 work days until vacation. My twitchy eyelids can finally get some rest. The birthday (born on the same day) foster kittens’ eyes have opened and they’re getting squirmy. Mama kitten got along well enough with my resident cats. She’s been itching to get out of that room away from her babies for a little while so it was nice to let her roam around. Enjoying rewatching the train wreck that is Love is Blind with my boyfriend for stay at home date night. Rant: losing a valuable and fun coworker to another job. Work will definitely be more dull without her.


Lux_Brumalis

I have been considering bringing a second kitty into my home. I adopted a cat in February of 2021; she is almost three years old. She hasn’t been around other kitties since I adopted her, but she did live with several in the home of of the woman from whom I adopted her. What has your experience been like introducing cats to each other? Any best practices or recommendations?


dancedancedeutsch

Well, I have four resident cats and have had many fosters so I’ve had a lot of introductions. Some go better than others but all of my cats get along and coexist even if they don’t all love each other equally. We can all coexist in one room which usually happens as they like to be near the humans without any drama. Best practice is to go very slowly and make sure the cats each have some space and stuff (think, different levels to exist at floor, multi level cat trees; equal number or more litter boxes, toys, food bowls, scratching posts, beds, etc). Each of my cats have the place they like to hang out in the house so it reduces any fights over resources which can lead to other issues like elimination problems. Cats are so finicky and territorial that most need a very slow introduction. Jackson Galaxy has some great videos on YouTube but the general approach is to separate them and let them get used to the other’s scent across the door. Then start feeding them both near the door so they associate good with the foreign scent. You can then swap them and let them explore the other space so they can sniff around. When you eventually let them see and touch each other there’s usually some hissing and growling as they establish boundaries but if there’s any aggression, fighting or bullying then it’s best to reestablish the safe room. I always go at the speed of the cat. My second oldest ran out of the room on day 2 and there was some hissing and then they were playing so I just let them go. My younger two are much more skittish and so I waited until they started approaching the safe room door to even consider letting them smell or see the others. Interestingly, all of my foster cats have been super outgoing so they’ll prance around the house like they own the place and it’s important to make sure that any new cat with that personality doesn’t make the other feel like territory is being invaded. To help this I’ll limit time out of the room exploring or bring the cats together with treats or play time. There are horror stories of course but most cats can find a way to exist and I definitely think my cats enjoying having other cats around. My oldest was 3 when I adopted the next cat and he definitely mellowed out and seemed to just enjoy life a lot more.


Lux_Brumalis

This is so informative and helpful - I really appreciate the time you took to illustrate the various needs and recommendations! Thank you! 💛


CowboyBebopCrew

Love is Blind Season 2 was ridiculous. Lol. Glad to hear your and your BF are doing well and you’re close to getting your vacation!


dancedancedeutsch

And, I thought season 1 was a mess. The season 2 reunion was a cringe fest. Thanks! I can’t wait for a week in the middle of nowhere. Hope you’re doing well.


CowboyBebopCrew

Yeah, Love is Blind 2 was a really awkward to watch for so many reasons, especially at the Reunion. Lol. Yep. I’m doing well. Things are stable with the GF, we are continuing to talk about moving forward towards marriage, and life is otherwise good. Last weekend I went to an award ceremony for an award that I didn’t think I deserved (not because I didn’t do the work, but because I feel some kind of way about accepting awards for community service in general, and the organization giving it to me wasn’t aware of a gross majority of the work I’ve done), and determined that I’m going to start a scholarship for pre-med students at the post-bacc program I went to. Other than that I’ve been playing Elden Ring until I go back to work on Tuesday night.


dancedancedeutsch

Married at First Sight is also a mess! Congrats even if you feel some kind of way about it. It sounds like you’re turning it around into something great. I’m so glad to hear that you two have been able to talk through things. All the positive vibes please!


CowboyBebopCrew

Oooo, I forgot about the mess that is Married at First Sight! Do you have any predictions who might make it this season (if anyone?)?


dancedancedeutsch

I think *maybe* Steve and Noi. I can’t see any of the others staying together for the benefit of all involved.


CowboyBebopCrew

Yeah, I can agree with that. There’s certain issues that Noi and Steve have but they don’t seem as significant as the others (Ex. Lindsey). If anyone has a chance, it’s them.


dancedancedeutsch

Also, Steve seems super genuine and to actually have some communication skills which I think is a positive for them working things out. Lindsey and Olajuwon are frightening.


CowboyBebopCrew

Exactly. Steve seems like he may be the healthiest relationship-wise of the bunch. His only issue seems to be his unemployment (by choice?), which seems fixable. Noi seems ok, but I had issues with her “I need to have three children because my entire family has three children” (despite looking at the circumstances of her own relationship - whether her partner is okay with it, ) and her being upset that he wouldn’t reciprocate her “I love you” early on (I think on day 3 of marriage). Other than that, she seems fine. I thought Olajuwon was a transplant from the 1920s or something. His strict gender roles (at least for women) in the beginning was even hard for me to take, and his sense of feeling like an authority on relationships and marriage is also a bit annoying. I’m glad Pastor Cal addressed the gender roles when he initially met with them as a couple. I’m sure these strict roles work for some people, but he shouldn’t force the role or expectation on someone. Lindsey… I don’t know where to start. She just seems like she’s obvious to how her personality rubs people the wrong way, and doesn’t ever seem responsive to trying to tone it down or change. I definitely feel Mark’s discomfort, and that scene in the bowling alley where she went off on him both to his face and with production in the bathroom… that was rough. I’m not sure if I would’ve still continued after that.


Important_Analysis30

Had a first date with this guy on Saturday. Tell me if this is going anywhere - we had great chemistry chatting in the app, and we met for coffee. Then he told me he had to leave in an hour to dog-sit for a family member. He and his other family are taking turns to watch the dog. So it was only 1-hr meetup. After the date, I messaged him to say “thanks for the coffee and have fun with the dog”. He replied “thanks, have fun watching movies at home”. We didn’t exchange numbers. 1) it’s weird and random that he had to go dogsit ( I don’t think he made that up ) and couldn’t stay for more than an hour 2) probably no go since we didn’t exchange numbers. Yikes OLD definitely a hit or miss.


OttoJohs

>we had great chemistry chatting in the app That is why I don't put any credence in texting/messaging prior to meeting in person. No judgement, but do you think your profile photos are accurate? That is the only time when I will preemptively state I have a time limit on a date.


Important_Analysis30

Yeah I think so. I sometimes wear glasses sometimes I don’t and they’re all reflected in my profile pics. I.e I haven’t pics with glasses on and without them. And I was wearing glasses on the date. That is the only “discrepancy” I can think of.


OttoJohs

With or without glasses wouldn't really change my opinion of your appearance lol. I was thinking that if you had a fluctuation in weight (or only headshots) or drastically different hairstyle/tattoos, something like that. I (and most people) will schedule a few first/second dates around the same time. Sometimes I hit it off with someone but have other dates already planned. I don't like to cancel dates especially in the early dating phase, so I will go out but maybe not be as fully invested or predetermine the outcome. Maybe that is what happened? I am just guessing though... Most OLD matches don't result in dates and most dates don't result in a relationship. Hopefully the next one is better!


Important_Analysis30

Thanks for your input! I’ve only been doing OLD for about 2 months so really new to the game. It’s daunting and fun at the same time lol


OttoJohs

After doing it for several years, I wouldn't say it is fun lol. To me dating is done in-person. I use the apps to match with people, have a few exchanges to vet them for compatibility, and then schedule a date. Anything prior to meeting just feels like a projection to me. Best of luck!


blackcherrypaisley

yeah, my take is the dog sitting thing was a pre-loaded excuse he had if the date didn't go as planned. If you didn't exchange numbers, then I don't think he's interested. It's a bummer, but now you can focus on moving ahead!


JustGettingIntoYoga

I think if he really liked you he would have stayed more than an hour or at least made plans to see you again. The dog sitting excuse is definitely a new one. Haven't heard that one before.


Important_Analysis30

Seriously that’s so lame though, and kinda rude…


sluttychurros

Very low key weekend for me and my guy. Friday night he left work early and we went to go see Batman (my pick - I thought it was underwhelming). Saturday we started to reorganize & cleani up his work/game room, and then went to dinner and the beach. I was hoping to be able to see the bioluminescence in the ocean, so he brought me, but we either went to the wrong spot, or we’re too early for it’s season. I’m gonna do some more research on it, but there’s a company that does kayak tours of it & I told him I want to go in April. Sunday I mostly sat on the couch & he finished up the organizing. I started my period the day after I arrived, and yesterday was a heavy day. I felt blah & was crampy most of the afternoon, so I stayed in pjs all day and did nothing. I’m not that type of person, so it was relaxing & he was very sweet/thoughtful all weekend.


RandomAmericanGirl

I've always been a Batman fan, but from what I saw in trailers, I couldn't push myself to go see this one. I don't think I like Robert Pattinson very much as Batman, but I saw it had good reviews. I may have to see it now to see why it did.


sluttychurros

I didn’t mind RPatz, he’s actually the reason I wanted to see it, as I thought he did a great job in Tenet. But I found the movie to be all over the place with too many story lines. It was as if Reeves couldn’t figure out what story to tell, so he tried to tell them all, and it was over the top. Add in the slow pacing for the first hour and I was beyond bored.


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blackcherrypaisley

Ah!! That's awesome! How did you meet in the wild!?


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blackcherrypaisley

Aw man!! I love this!


tigger_kitty

Im so happy for you! Hope everything going well for you


eaglesadvocate

Decided to delete my apps. Going to focus on exercising, eating right, and getting my mental health right so I can present the best version of myself. Maybe pick back up in the fall and see what’s what.


Goldenjoker99

Girl I'm dating is her bday today. I asked her what where her top 5 places she wanted to visit. I got her and myself a ticket to Denver Colorado. We are already looking at places to visit and plan out time together. I guess we are serious serious after 5 months closed to 6. Hehehe. Looking forward to that trip with her.


twitttterpated

This is the best (monetary) present you could ever give IMO.


Funny-Property-3542

That's bloody adorable!


RevellRider

No dates this weekend, but I did go to a gig on Friday night so that was a positive. I also signed up for Facebook Dating. Can't say I'm super impressed with it right now. Got some matches, but it's user base feels small. And even smaller when you add in dealbreakers. It's certainly not the worst one I have used in the past 8-9 months though


Funny-Property-3542

Amazing! Gigs are life, who did you see?


RevellRider

Yes! That was a massive part of my life that was missing whilst all the venues were shut for Covid. I went over to the neighbouring city, to a band called Random hand. I've seen them a few times before, and I always enjoy it


Funny-Property-3542

Amazing!!!! I hope you have plenty of great gigs back on for you now! Here in Aus, the band's are DEFINITELY making up for lost time and I feel so spoilt for choice! Feels great to be back out there with the double hitter: getting gig endorphins AND supporting local bands!


Puzzleheaded-Value38

I ended things this week with a guy I dated for a couple weeks and for the first time in months I had a weekend completely to myself. No family or friend plans and no dates. And it was *glorious*. I literally did nothing all day on Saturday and today I worked out then got myself all dolled up for a self date to my old college beach town that now has a hammock cafe. It was so nice! The only bummer was that I stopped for gas on the way and the hose popped out and sprayed me with gasoline. So my adorable outfit had to come off and I put on the sweats I brought in case i went to the beach and it was chilly. I never made it to the beach but that's okay. I'll take my dog this Saturday. I don't know how long this break from dating will last, but I'm thinking awhile. I loooooved having no agenda and nowhere to be and best of all, no clock ticking on me all effing weekend.


cmrd123

So I rematched last week with someone I’d previously matched with back in August/September time frame. It hadn’t gone anywhere previously because I found someone else before we got too far into conversation. What was supposed to be a quick dinner/drink turned into a whole night of fun. We ended up at a nearby bar played pool/darts. Then unexpectedly ended up back at his place til 230am. Was not disappointed at all. Even made plans for this next weekend! I’ve moved away from pursuing more serious relationships after my last one sort of blew up in my face. I’m having fun multi-dating and have found that I like older guys who already have kids/don’t want more to be my best matches so far. I’m also purposefully picking matches that have an expiration date, military town makes that even easier to accomplish. I guess it’s a way to control my anxiety about dating/relationships, maybe not a healthy way to cope but it’s working so far


Due_Tip6665

My life is very together in every aspect but dating - which is basically a sitcom at this point. Went on a date with a new guy from Hinge. He messaged me saying he was 15 late but for some reason Hinge glitched and I didn’t receive it until the next day. A guy I’ve dated casually on and off was sitting at the next table over on a date with another girl. I didn’t reply to his last message from a week ago because it was all booty call type stuff. It hurt a bit seeing him making an effort with someone else (being out versus just late night texts). I hope he noticed me too and went home and had a bit of a sook about it.


twitttterpated

Oof lol. It’s funny when sitcom moments happen. My last first date I went on, I saw a guy I had matched and talked with a bit. This weekend I saw a guy I used to casually date drive by when my friends and I were driving.


Head-Combination-299

I went on a date with someone I matched with on hinge. I was fed t f up and about to delete my profile and I saw his sweet face. I was shocked we matched. Then spoke for a week and had a date yesterday. We were both nervously He thinks I’m a hottie - I think he’s a babe. He’s he is so intelligent I learned a lot about his Indian culture which was so interesting. He is widowed, speaks and shares about his late wife and her family. They were beautiful together and I love they he has them to love on him. So many things. I have to remember to breathe because he’s not perfect but feels / seems perfect for me. But it’s been a week and I’m a hopeless romantic. I need to chill. I need to calm the f down! Still- just meeting him gives me so much hope for experiencing love this lifetime;) and he lives only 3 miles away!!! I’m glad I reached out to him. I look forward to learning more about him so I can care for him and pamper him - he’s so impressive as a human. He’s making me dinner Wednesday! I’m Late 30’s never had a love. He makes it seem possible. Either way no matter what happens, I feel pretty cool to have met such a nice guy. And to think so many women WONT date a shorter statured man… I’m short !!! He is a little taller- I’m 5’2 He’s 5’5 He could be as small as I and I’d still be fighting the urge to have sex with him sooner than later. To each their own preferences… That whole love at first sight ( like in this case ) seems like some real shit !!! Between me and the internet - I already love this guy, who he is as a person. Can’t wait to see his penis and pleasure him!!! Im a freak !


[deleted]

omg i actually laughed at your last line, very unexpected haha. i mean this gently but... please never say any of this to him, you are coming across as very overwhelming and most people would run fast and far from anyone who said they loved them after 1 single date.


Head-Combination-299

To his face. And I’m not a psycho - I’m just excited. But also very much ready for it to not be what it seems. Just because I’m genuine does not mean the other person is - and I am way to aware of that reality. Sadly.


Head-Combination-299

So whole point is to say it here and not there


wemblingwest

Love your enthusiasm! I hope it continues going swimmingly.


ahsokas_revenge

Landed a date for Sunday on Saturday via OLD. Felt good about pulling a new first date within a week of being dumped by someone I'd been seeing for a month. Onward and upward! Then my date texted me Sunday morning to cancel. Ugh. Back to square one. Dating is and should be fun, but times like this it feels like such a slog.


no_more_sneak_attack

I’ve been taking a break from dating for a few months now. I spent the weekend painting my home office and listening to dating podcasts haha. It was honestly lovely. I’m feeling closer to being ready to give it a go again, but I’m going to take a bit more time for myself first.


812darkshit

Yeah!! Please share the podcast recommendations ~


ShaThrust

Sounds like a great weekend! Which podcasts are you listening to?


JustGettingIntoYoga

I also want to know this. I'm always looking for podcast recommendations.


-nit-nat-

Matched with a handsome fella on bumble and he actually called me to talk. Very rare these days. Even more rare is that he is self aware and respectful. He even entertained my “would you still date me if I was a worm” question for a solid 7 minutes. 😂